Death is the one certainty everyone faces, yet few choose to confront it until it is near. Diane Button, a seasoned death doula with almost twenty years of experience, has spent her career guiding people through the emotional, spiritual, and practical realities of dying. Through countless moments sitting beside those taking their last breaths, Diane has discovered an undeniable truth: the lessons we most need to learn come not in youth but in life’s final days.
In interviews and through her work, Diane reveals that many dying individuals express the same painful regret: “I wish I had lived my life differently.” Their final conversations revolve not around material wealth or status but love, gratitude, and missed opportunities for connection. This profound insight led Diane to develop what she calls the “Final Checklist”—six deceptively simple questions designed to help people uncover regrets, mend relationships, and find peace before their time ends.
Importantly, Diane stresses these questions aren’t only for the terminally ill—they are meant for everyone alive who hopes to live fully and die without regret. Reflecting on these questions early allows people to reprioritize, heal, and find meaning long before the end arrives.
The six essential questions Diane urges everyone to ask themselves are:
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Who matters most?
Diane explains that as life comes to a close, worldly distractions fade, and the focus narrows to a few key relationships—those hands you want to hold when you take your final breath. Clarifying who truly matters helps direct time and energy toward nurturing meaningful connections. -
What matters most?
Possessions and titles lose importance in the face of mortality. Diane encourages shifting attention toward spirituality, connection, and contribution. Reflecting on what would truly matter if life were shortened helps realign priorities toward fulfilling and authentic living. -
What keeps you awake at night?
Facing fears, anxieties, or unresolved troubles that steal peace is vital. Diane asks this question to help her clients identify what disrupts their emotional balance, urging living individuals to confront these issues sooner rather than later, enabling a fuller life. -
What brings you joy in the daytime?
In the final phase of life, joy is often found in everyday moments—morning coffees, shared laughter, a quiet sunrise—rather than grand milestones. Diane highlights the importance of appreciating these simple sources of happiness now as a foundation for contentment. -
What is left unsaid?
Many people pass away harboring unspoken words and unresolved feelings. Diane emphasizes the power of expressing what matters before it’s too late, whether through a phone call, a letter, or honest conversation, to bring healing to both speaker and listener. -
What is left undone?
Regrets about missed opportunities weigh heavily at life’s end. Diane encourages identifying what you still want to accomplish or experience and taking steps to pursue passions and dreams while there is time.
Remarkably, Diane not only asks these questions of her clients but makes them a regular part of her own life. She reflects on them monthly, writing and revisiting her answers, adjusting as her life evolves. This practice keeps her focused on what truly matters each day.
The greatest lesson Diane shares from her work is this: don’t wait until the end to discover what matters most to you. Life is fragile and uncertain; redirection and healing can and should happen now. Reflecting on these six questions can help you live with intention, embrace joy, nurture love, and find peace—so that when the final moment comes, there are no doubts or regrets.
In a world often driven by hustle and distraction, Diane Button’s wisdom challenges us all to slow down and ask: Am I living in a way that, if today were my last, I would be at peace? The opportunity remains for each of us to rewrite our story with love, courage, and clarity.
