You know you’ve reached peak post-breakup absurdity when your ex shows up with what he considers a “care package” – in this case, a dozen eggs and enough bologna to make maybe two sad sandwiches. I took the bag more out of shock than gratitude, waiting until he left to process the sheer ridiculousness of the gesture.
Fate delivered the perfect punchline when I bumped into his coworker that afternoon. “Alex was just telling us how he’s been keeping your kitchen fully stocked,” she said with a knowing smile. I nearly spit out my drink. That pathetic little bag was his idea of fully stocking a kitchen? In that moment, every doubt I’d ever had about ending things vanished. Some people don’t just stretch the truth – they turn bologna into filet mignon in their own delusional narratives.
